Não é mais como antes, isso é certo. Tem um ar de burocracia no desabotoar de roupas, no deitar na cama. O lençol é obrigatoriamente o terceiro elemento, um voyeur conhecido, íntimo e indispensável em sua tarefa árdua de nos manter quentes, apesar da insistência do corpo em esfriar. Perdi a coragem de oferecer minha língua à sua boca há alguns anos, de modo que os beijos cabem dentro de nossa escassa sensualidade. Não passam de selinhos, ou bitocas, como costumávamos falar. Aliás, quando éramos adolescentes amávamos as tais bitocas; impressionante como qualquer toque, mesmo os mais recatados, nos deixavam flutuando de prazer. Acho que nossa vida sexual tem um pouco disso, um pouco do retorno à juventude.
Temos razoável medo ao nos tocarmos. Nos envergonhamos de nossos corpos sem roupa ” embora, de uns 5 anos para cá, combinamos de apenas fazermos sexo sem qualquer peça. Precisamos nos reconhecer ali; as rugas de seu corpo cumprimentam as rugas em mim e expulsam qualquer vergonha de algo tão nobre e inevitável como viver. Ao tirarmos todas as peças de roupa, eu e ele nos deitamos, primeiro lado a lado, forjando uma espontaneidade que, segundo ele, é mais excitante. A essa altura ele já tomou o remédio.
Alguns segundos depois, começo a rir. Não me lembro o porquê desse hábito; ele diz que rio desde a noite de núpcias. No nosso tempo não fazíamos sexo antes de conhecer a família, casar de branco, cumprimentar os convidados e dançar uma valsa. E naquela primeira noite em que me vi deitada com um homem nu, eu ri. Agora, ele confessa que meu riso o excita, o deixa seguro, o mantém vivo. E eu rio, eu quero deixá-lo feliz. Meu prazer atualmente é pequeno, de modo que o esforço do sexo compensa mais pelo sorriso em seu rosto do que pelos fracos orgasmos que volta e meia consigo ter.
Depois de rir, beijo a lateral de seu braço esquerdo, sinalizando que ele pode vir por cima de mim para começarmos. A doutora disse que seria bom testarmos outras posições, mas confessei não sentir falta de nada novo, e ele concordou comigo ao segurar minha mão durante a consulta. À assim que fizemos e continuamos fazendo: ele vem por cima de mim. A essa altura já parei de rir. E nos embalamos, e parecemos dois adolescentes sem saber o que fazer, sem saber como mexer ” embora saibamos, não conseguimos transmitir exatamente o que queremos ao nosso corpo, há algum tempo. Ele termina e cola sua testa suada no meu ombro. Desde novo não consegue me encarar após o sexo. E, passando a mão ao redor de seu tronco, danço novamente a valsa, cumprimento novamente os convidados, puxo o lençol, dou mais um riso e lhe sapeco uma bitoca. Boa noite. Que Deus nos acorde amanhã.
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34 respostas
Comovente. Tocou-me desde a primeira palavra transportou-me para um tempo que já não existe mas que também ainda foi o meu. Tempo de curiosidade e ansiedade em que tudo era mistério.Costumavamos perguntar entre nós meninas: como será? Agora já se sabe tudo. aPerdeu-se o encanto. Perdeu-se também o tempo que as coisas duravam. Hoje é tudo muito rápido. Obrigada pela lembrança!
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